Tag Archive: Personal


So… back at it again?

So yeah… once again I am back at writing here… after a little over a year of no activity.

And why am I doing this again?? Well, believe it or not, I want to try something out and maybe even help someone in the future (if not myself). But lets first try to devide this post a bit in case anyone actually cares about what has been going on in the past year… (although I am quite certain nobody really cares except for like 1 or 2 people I know)…

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Getting back on my paws…

Lately I have been depressed again… feeling quite down for not doing things I would rather love doing, but I guess that’s life… but that’s when I remembered those good times I had in the past.

So I have decided, and hope to be able to achieve, to get back on my paws… and eventho I’m just 2, I’ll try to at least start crawling back to where my life was a bit happier.

I think I will start to do them diaries again so as to release some stress from daily events… also start to take better care of my health; not that is in danger or something, but I have really let myself go (went from size 31 to 33)… I need to eat less junk food and more healthy snacks…

I also need/want to wear a diaper on my mouth and stop being such a potty mouth… tho I don’t say obsenities in public outloud, I still say them to myself which for me is a bit of a bad habit…

 

I want these changes in my life… why? ‘Cuz I just want something to change in my life… I may not be able to change everything but I will give it a good try… and don’t worry, I won’t be making myself suffer and taking things a bit tooooo far… so no starving myself and such…

*hugs everyone*

:3

Feeling geeky…

Well school is almost over… and I am getting stressed about it cuz guess what… since it will end in about 3 weeks from today, ALL teachers will try to shove whatever units/tests we have in such little time!!! That ain’t gonna be good for anyone… -_-

I’ve been working on my final project in my OOP class for a while now, and it’s going well but not as fast as I would hope cuz honestly some stuff I must learn on my own and it’s all just thinking how it’s gonna work… I’m doing a scrabble game in Java, so yeah, it’s getting quite complex since scrabble needs LOTS of rules and procedures such as choosing a word and letter to use, checking spelling, adding points, showing a graphical table with all words (not doing buttons tho cuz that would be HARD to do at this moment)…
It’s supposed to be in “teams of 4” but I’ve worked in a team in my class and let me tell you that it’s almost impossible for all of us to agree… specially since some are too lazy, or they don’t know much about what to do in the class… some even hold us back!!!

And also, I’ve been wanting to use my Ubuntu distro installed in my computer for a while, but due to Windows incompatibility of MS Office I must stick with Windows for a while longer… but I also want to try something out: using Linux Mint…

I read a sorta blog about the differences between Ubuntu and Mint, and they say that Mint lets you do more tweaking and such, and that it has more of that Windows look and that it’s a bit faster and complete (it has Java, VLC, etc) than Ubuntu… so I might make a live USB of it later on to try it out… or add it to next to my Ubuntu distro on my computer… but I need to see how I edit the grub settings so I can choose which one to boot from…

Anyways… I guess this is all gonna be done sometime during my vacations…

^^_

wow… long time huh??

Yeah, long time I don’t write here… I blame school and some life problems…

Sooooo… let’s see…. I’ve been quite busy with school lately… yesterday I did about 20 integral problems and the day before I finished my calculator thingy for OOP. I also finished some accounting homework and well, it was boring all day yesterday… but it had to be done…

Anyways, my life has been quite dull recently… I had a fight with my brother (more like those stupid hand fights from cartoons) and it made me realize how tired I am of him… sure he “cares for me” (really freaking deep inside), but he still is an a-hole… I realize that if it weren’t for him some thing that were bad in my life would have never occurred… so yeah, I dislike him quite a lot and I am fed up with him, so no more helping him… yeah, he can manage on his own and so can I…

Other than that, I’ve been a bit depressed due to lack of free time, stress and some feelings I’ve been having… but I’m getting by in life just fine I think… nothing to be worried about… ^^

And as a final note, I’ve seen Yure and Roger draw their fursonas in cute light-green colored cloth diapers… this has made me want to wear one even more than before… especially those light-green ones!! I just keep wondering what it would feel like to wear a cloth diaper with velcro-tapes thingy… and to kinda satisfy that need, I might draw Childish¬† with one… but I’d still rather have one IRL… maybe one day… I already have seen some sites but their design are not really what I’m looking for… still, there is 1 or 2 sites that give me hope since they say “we make custom orders” and especially one that has a “celery” color (which I think it’s light-green enough)… hopefully one day I will buy one… or two!!!
^_^

PS: New avatar… drawing made by Roger!!

here we go again…

Yep, it’s that time again… time to go back to school…

Kinda looking forward to it and kinda not… I like school and it will keep me from being bored at home doing nothing, but I dislike homework and tests… and this semester might be quite harsh since I have a strict OOP (Object Oriented Programing) teacher that will make my life hell, but I think I can handle it since I’m kinda good at logic stuff…

So yeah… I need to keep up my good work and make this semester a great one with a good grade and average… only bad thing is that I’m VERY lazy so that won’t be good… oh well, I’ll manage…

^_^

2013 – So far so good… =P

OK then… 2013 has actually had a great start!! I have been able to do MUCH better than last year. How do I know?? Well, for starters, my giant and occasional depression is no longer present!!! *Fluttershy yay* ^^_

And to makes things better, my family isn’t fighting much either!! Also, I’m doing more work now… I have been editing the guide since yesterday and it has made A LOT of progress… I’ve written much more that I think I can now say it’s in alpha state (no more pre-alpha), so yeah… I haven’t changed the design of it yet, only the content, so when the design is changed, I shall make it beta… =P

As for drawing, well I haven’t been able to draw anything yet… but I feel with so much energy and happiness that I feel I can draw much easily now… especially since I had practice with my comic thingy for that has helped improve the way I draw the heads and in return the bodies too… so I feel that with much more practice I’ll be able to draw even better!!! And what better way to practice than by making gift art?? (spoiler) ^-^

Anyways, I’ll continue with the guide and other stuff pending… and I hope everyone is having an amazing 2013!!!

*crinkle-cuddles all*
^^_

Random school update… =P

It’s been a while since I said anything about school… everything has been about how horrible things have been sometimes and how im dealing with life, but I never say much about school… well, until today… =P

I have realized this just today; for the first time in over a year, I actually feel happy with my school and even glad to go to class!!! Yeah!!! At first I felt a bit bad about leaving med school, but now, I can safely say that I made the right choice!! I’m doing very well and I’m liking it… my classes are Programing Basics, Administration Basics, Discrete Math, Ethics, Differential Calculus and Investigation Basics… oh yeah, and Cello!!

I am VERY good at programming (no boasting/bragging), and I’m enjoying it every day!! I also like calculus and even discrete math (tho the teacher goes funky at times) and I’m enjoying Cello class… as for Admin and others, im doing great, even tho they don’t raise my interests that much, I’m not failing any class!!!

Yep, this career is actually making me happy!! Best of all, not much stress to handle and NO HAVING TO MEMORIZE 4 CHAPTERS IN 1 NIGHT!!! Tho I keep waking up at 3:30am cuz it makes me awake… in med school, I found out that if I wake up with just enough time, I am still sleepy in class, while when I wake up with more than enough time (an hour or so) I don’t fall asleep in class at all!!! And I’m going to bed around 10:30 or 11pm… so around 5 hours isn’t so bad (when you compare it to only 2)!!!

^^_

THIS MUST END!!!

That’s it… I’m tired and sick about it… it MUST END!!!

Yes, PROCRASTINATION MUST END!!!! I can’t sit back and do nothing anymore… its too much and I do NOTHING… so NOTHING gets done… and well, I am now in the process of finishing all that I started and never really got to finish…

For starters, I am completing my diary entries that I never really got to finish… it’s a bit like cheating, yes, but I wrote little notes down saying what I did on that day… why am I doing that? Cuz I kinda want to… it will be like a small autobiography on my life… so far, I have 386 entries, meaning 386 days has passed since the fire nation attacked I wrote my first entry… a LOT has changed…

Second, I shall continue writing my guide… it’s been on a HUGE standby now and it needs to be finished… sure, I have no rush and nobody really NEEDs it right now… but the sooner I finish, the better I shall be able to feel much better about it… but that will take a while to finish the way I want it to finish…. =P

Then, I must finish reading some stuff I need to really read!!! There is the fan-fic from Brandon… “The Hunger Games” book I bought and barely started to read… and some stories from Yure in FA and his blog…

Lastly, I need to finish the 100-themes challenge!!! But I must first start to draw anything cuz I’m really just out of it… I tried drawing somthing and failed… so that really sucks… I need to do my practice sketches, get in a bad/sad mood and draw that emotion…

Yeah, that’s kinda what I need to do… unfortunately, it’s easier said than done… and if you’ve noticed, I didn’t say anything about the story I’m making (The Specialists) cuz I’m not sure if I will continue it or scrap it… it all depends on the rest…

*sigh*
Lots of work for me… but I WANT to do it… =P

Procrastination sucks… -_-

I know, I know… it’s been a bit long since my last write in here… but it’s not that I’ve been busy, it’s more cuz I have been 1) too damn lazy and 2) like Yure said, “I’m unmotivated/uninterested”…

As much as I hate it, I feel that it’s true… I stopped caring about many things… I tried drawing a few days back and I couldn’t do it!!! I tried drawing like I used to, tried drawing Childish again, but when I tried, it came out all wrong… I haven’t written anything in my journals since last month, so I now have around 2 month’s worth of journals to write into… I haven’t written anything in my story and my guide… and what’s worse, I feel crappy…

Remember that time where I felt that I was losing my ABDL side?? Well, it’s happening again… and this time it’s not cuz of not time, but because of what happened that August 13th… yes, even after almost 2 months passed, I still have the effects from it, but now I’m wondering, who is to blame for this??
I blame myself for putting up too much info in public places, and I also blame my brother for beings such a f-ing a-hole to have rated me out… but why did I “try to change”??? It was because of my mom, but I actually told them that day “I can’t promise anything for I know that anything I say won’t be true from the heart because I feel that I did nothing wrong!”. So, why do I have the feeling???

My guess here is that I feel this way because in my mind, I thought that my mom could have understood me and I also had the idea of “if she truly loves me, she’ll try to accept me for who I am”… but sadly, the answer was the exact OPPOSITE… so now I know this from her: she loves me, but is more into her religious views and closed mind that she won’t accept me for who I am… EVER!!! She will NEVER accept me as her son the way I truly am… so I decided to keep away from her and never tell her anything about me, only what I think she must know (health issues, certain problems, etc)…

That’s my guess for all this… this feeling of¬† “saudade”… *sigh* I miss everything in my life…

T-T

Random update

Welll… its been quite a long while since I last wrote here… and yet, i feel bad about it…

Umm… what can I say?? I’m not really myself still I guess… I mean, the depression is over, which is great! but the feeling of lazyness and crapy state is still here… so I haven’t done much really… school has been taking on me for some time now and Oreo has also done that too….

I have NOT written anything in my diaries except for a tiny summary of my day in each one of them, so now I have about 34 diaries that need completion… why? cuz i want to complete them, yet i duno why i dont… i have free time to do so, but there is somthing that just wont let me… it aint anyone or anything, but something is bothering me that keeps me from acheiving that goal of mine… i wish i knew…

but anyways, im doing OK in school and my family has laid off me as well… I’m not doing their church crap and religious shit, so im glad about that cuz I aint going back to one ever again if I can help it… however, they are still quite a-holes in the fact that my brother gets more rights than me and yet im the one who pays the price of doing somthing… but i can try to handle that….

ugh… im out of ideas, out of imagination, out of thinking, out of my mind, out of my soul, out of every single emotion for some reason…. i duno why… really wish i could cub out for a full day and see if that does the trick, but it seems like im never (and i mean NEVR) going to be alone in the house to do so…

-_-