Tag Archive: Diapers

wow… long time huh??

Yeah, long time I don’t write here… I blame school and some life problems…

Sooooo… let’s see…. I’ve been quite busy with school lately… yesterday I did about 20 integral problems and the day before I finished my calculator thingy for OOP. I also finished some accounting homework and well, it was boring all day yesterday… but it had to be done…

Anyways, my life has been quite dull recently… I had a fight with my brother (more like those stupid hand fights from cartoons) and it made me realize how tired I am of him… sure he “cares for me” (really freaking deep inside), but he still is an a-hole… I realize that if it weren’t for him some thing that were bad in my life would have never occurred… so yeah, I dislike him quite a lot and I am fed up with him, so no more helping him… yeah, he can manage on his own and so can I…

Other than that, I’ve been a bit depressed due to lack of free time, stress and some feelings I’ve been having… but I’m getting by in life just fine I think… nothing to be worried about… ^^

And as a final note, I’ve seen Yure and Roger draw their fursonas in cute light-green colored cloth diapers… this has made me want to wear one even more than before… especially those light-green ones!! I just keep wondering what it would feel like to wear a cloth diaper with velcro-tapes thingy… and to kinda satisfy that need, I might draw Childish  with one… but I’d still rather have one IRL… maybe one day… I already have seen some sites but their design are not really what I’m looking for… still, there is 1 or 2 sites that give me hope since they say “we make custom orders” and especially one that has a “celery” color (which I think it’s light-green enough)… hopefully one day I will buy one… or two!!!

PS: New avatar… drawing made by Roger!!


2013 – So far so good… =P

OK then… 2013 has actually had a great start!! I have been able to do MUCH better than last year. How do I know?? Well, for starters, my giant and occasional depression is no longer present!!! *Fluttershy yay* ^^_

And to makes things better, my family isn’t fighting much either!! Also, I’m doing more work now… I have been editing the guide since yesterday and it has made A LOT of progress… I’ve written much more that I think I can now say it’s in alpha state (no more pre-alpha), so yeah… I haven’t changed the design of it yet, only the content, so when the design is changed, I shall make it beta… =P

As for drawing, well I haven’t been able to draw anything yet… but I feel with so much energy and happiness that I feel I can draw much easily now… especially since I had practice with my comic thingy for that has helped improve the way I draw the heads and in return the bodies too… so I feel that with much more practice I’ll be able to draw even better!!! And what better way to practice than by making gift art?? (spoiler) ^-^

Anyways, I’ll continue with the guide and other stuff pending… and I hope everyone is having an amazing 2013!!!

*crinkle-cuddles all*

random update thingamajig… =P

Well, this is just a random update of what’s going on with me… =P

It’s been awesome!!! I really am enjoy school quite much!! My grades are WAAAAAAAAAYYYY better than in med school!!! Everything’s is basically higher than a 90 except for Discrete Math (85) and Investigation Basics (unknown, test still coming this Monday)… so yeah… im glad to have made the change… and im glad finals is almost over (just that one class)…

I’m trying to get back to the hang of things… trying to draw again (already finished 1 drawing) and will try to improve… I will also start working on the guide again and finish some other stuff too… some changes i’ve made so far:
My diaries will be from now on a “need-to-write” basis instead of daily… frankly, this is cuz I got quite bored and tired of writing daily my life… and i saw that many times i write “Boring stuff… stuff… usual crap…” and thus to avoid this, I will write whenever I feel and get the chance to write… =P

Life in GeneralIt’s been a bit hectic… mainly cuz our floor is being changed and we had to move everything… so yeah… its awful to have everything in just 2 rooms an have no privacy and all… but oh well…
I bought som stuff too the other day… it was a couple of fast flow (#3) nipples for my baby bottle!! My bottle came with a medium flow (#2) nipple and its kinda tough to suckle on it… so these will help me lots…
Hmm… what else… well, nothing much… I was able to buy myself a pack of goodnites the other day and used them throughout these past 2 weeks… it was a bit odd with the floor thing, but I still was able to enjoy them… =P

That’s kinda it I guess… =P

[untitled] week…

WARNING… this post will be different than the rest… mainly because I will use strong language to make my point a bit clear… so I’m sorry if I offend anyone, which isn’t my intention…

This week was amazingly awesome at first and then it turned to SHIT!!!

To start off, I decided to do my cubbing out on Thursday… and so I went out from Monday through Wednesday to buy the supplies… you know, stuff for that Thursday night, which was nothing but a baby bottle with a scrub for cleaning it, a pacifier with clip, wipes, powder, and lastly the diapers. It was kinda fun looking at all that stuff…
The main reason was because I felt that my infantilist side was kinda dying or something… more on that here… but once that Thursday night came, I felt SOOOO wonderful doing that!!! It was the best feeling ever!!! I loved it very much, and my feelings came back to me!! So yeah, it was a very fun weekend because I not only was that Thursday nght, but even Friday and all the way to Sunday… it was epicly fun… and especially when I was with my cousin. She knows about it, and I’m glad she thinks it’s cute.

And all starts well ends well right? WRONG!!!!

You see, my mom had gone off to Mexico DF (the capital of this fucked up country) to try and get the VISA for going back to the US for a visit… and everything went alright at first, and then just today Monday was the day they denied it. FUCK!!!! And that’s when I got pissed off with God and came with this conclusion…

Happiness is an illusion, created by mankind to find meaning to life, and destroyed by a God that enjoys to see his creation go through many events of pain and seeing them suffer. He loves to see those who love Him suffer and go through so much pain, and I proved it… I don’t wana go into that rant, so here is the link to the journal in FA…

Sorry, I still feel bummed out for this… so I can’t say much but I’m sorry to everyone… and I’m sorry for not replying Yure… I have no excuse really… I am… ugh…

*cries* T-T

and as a final note, I finally dropped out of med school officially… so I am no longer able to go back ever again in my entire life… seriously, i cant ever go back now…

last week of school ^^_

YAY!!! NO MORE SCHOOL!!! … cept for tests… -_-… and this week has been quite mood-swingy like… I think it’s been fun and weird for me… you be the judge…

So, to start off, yes, this WAS my last week of school… I only have the finals to work on now, but seeing that I never studied, I don’t care and I pretty much just lost all interest in med school, I think I’m going to fail most of them if not all… why go then? Just to finish this semester and get it over with… the only test I WILL study for is the admission exam for Systems Engineering (coming this 8th).
The school psychologist is plain boring… all she did was make me takes these stupid personality tests and thats it… but I won’t get to see them cuz I won’t go back to her office again… (lol)

It has been awkward for me… it went from sadness, to ENVY, to anxiety, and then happy… and at the moment painful. Sadness cuz I’m bored and I can’t do much about it. I want to draw but I kinda suck at it anyways… *sigh* I need to do something… and I had envy at this furry kid in FA (Ven) cuz he has the TB life I ONLY DREAMED OF come to life… I would post his journal link here, but I duno… I don’t like doing that much without permission, cuz it feels like I might be getting them in trouble… so instead I’ll post his journal without linking… JUST REMEMBER THIS ISN’T MY LIFE!!! (though I wish it were) T-T

So I went to bed padded… as usual how ever i woke up to my mom sitting on the side of my bed stroking my head and patting my wet diaper (i don’t know why i started wetting the bed again). So i look at my diaper and it was a dark yellow color! so then i acted angry and blusher A LOT! Then she said “he’s back!” And i asked “who?” Then she said “…. My baby.” then she kissed me on the head and gave me a big hug! Then she handed me a pic she got of me and it said “before” and it showed a pic of me as a baby. Then it said “after” and showed a pic of me that night! It had me snuggling my plushie, in my wet diaper and t shirt. Then on the bottom it said ” can you see the difference? I can’t! =P So thats when i think i turned a completely new shade of red! Then she said it time to get up my little crinklebutt! So yeah I’m still trying to comprehend all of this!

Well, with that little journal I got OVERLY pissed at his life and mine… but after talking it out to myself in a recorded journal (just recording myself with my phone), I was able to get rid of all the jealousy (felt something lifted off of me, no kidding) and replace it with err.. love?… I duno… I mean, after that I read this and all I can say is “AAWWWW!!!” and “THAT’S SOOOOOO CUTE!!!”… sure, I still wish that were my life, but not feeling hatred towards him…

Anyways… I also got  anxious about a job cuz I might be able to get in!!! It’s a ummm… cybercafe? duno what you would call it in English… it’s a place with many computers where you can use one for whatever… but they also have a department of computer maintenance of a somwhat big movie theater and other companies… and they employer (seeing I want to switch careers) said I would start in the cyber and then he would transition me to the systems… so I hope I get in, and best of all, it’s VERY close to my house, like 3 minutes away walking… I’ll know what happens next week…

And now I’m in a bit of pain cuz the last 2 wisdom teeth where pulled out today… so it hurts a bit yes, but I won’t have any problem with them anymore… so that’s ummm… better? And also, I got this amazing gift art by rogerwolf92 from FA… it’s awesome!!! and I obtained permission to use the colors he used with my fursona as my own… so now “childish” has colors!!! and the shape I plan on making it in reference to Yure’s drawing…


This week…

has been like a roller coaster ride… so many ups and downs lately I think I might fall off the seat!!

Oh boy… it seems all I say about school is that it’s horrible, and well, it is, but what did I expect? The school systems sucks here!!! But it’s not like I can change that right???
So, this week at school, on Monday I got my pass to the test (with my aunt’s help), then I had to have a special meeting with my tutor on Tuesday; unfortunately, I couldn’t find him on the day he wanted me to see him… but I was fortunate to see him in the hallway on Wednesday and told him I wanted to switch careers. And guess what he said!!! Oh God, I hate this but… I have to go talk to the school’s PSYCHOLOGIST!!!… if there is one thing I dislike the most is talking to therapists and psychologists… they are boring to me. I already dealt with many therapists/psychologists in my past, but I guess it must be done for school reasons.
Anyways, I also met with the principal and he didn’t know I flunked Anatomy 1, and he said he’ll strangle me (jokingly)… the thing is, he knows me and my mother since we told him about my case (coming from the US etc.) and well, I’m just thinking: what will he say when I tell him I’m out of med school for good?… It’s not like it’ll affect anything, but just curious to know…

I have been sorta “PMSing” lately… for some odd reason, I have been depressed and happy and depressed and angry and happy and so on… and well, I made a small little poem-like story in FA about it. I also did other things like an attempt of a self-RP and a therapy session in the style of Yure ^_^
But the biggest thing that has happened to me this week in my personal life is this… I have come to realize something that I would never have done without the help of my friends Brandon, Yure, and Ryan (a great babyfur friend I met in FA)…

I am not who you see. The person, or surrogate as I call it, you interact with all the time is just that; a body, a fake image, a human representation of myself. Who I TRULY am is a babyfur whose name is the name given to him as a human. All the feelings, the actions, the decisions, the character, everything about me, is actually done because of my babyfursona! You may think it’s stupid or crazy talk, but that is how I feel. That is how I am. And that is how I always want to be!! =P

And that’s true!!! I have seen that the only time I am truly happy is when I am letting my babyfur side out to play!!! In all of my RPs, it’s him that does all the talking, not me. I actually am SO happy when I am my little self inside… so I prefer to feel that I am just stuck in this body forever, and that I will always be a babyfur all my life as well!!! ^_^

Other stuff
The other day, I made an account in this site where it shows many registered furries around the globe… I found none near my home so I decided to make an account and put it there. And in that same day, I met this furry online who lives in the same city as I do!!! I couldn’t believe it at all!!! And well, he wants to meet me some day and I am nervous about that, but would be nice to meet another furry IRL.

And well, that’s my entire week… sorta. I am doing right now much better and not feeling depressed for now… and also, the following message is for all those AB/DLs or those with a diaper fetish:
I am in the process of making a sort of guide for help and advice on being an AB/DL… it ranges from understanding what/how/why it is, to wearing diapers, to getting diapers and such… I don’t know when I’ll finish, but just to give you a heads up… I already made a couple of texts where I talk about my experiences wearing diapers in public and shopping for them. So yeah, when it’s finished, I will upload it somewhere and let you all know about it.


weekly update…

Hey how’s everyone doing?? Better than me I hope… nah… this week wasn’t so bad after all… so here is whats been going on.

Same old, same old… nothing very new except for work. I am quite tired of it, but I must keep going until it’s done… or until I find out it’s time to quit. Yeah, sometimes that happens, when you find out that the career you have been wanting really isn’t your dream career after all (which sucks). So I am seeing if that’s my case or if I just need to go through a few more bumps along the road before I can run…
My real problem is the memorization part of school. I can’t seem to be able to memorize every single thing that I read… heck, I sometimes can’t even remember what I’ve just read 10 seconds ago!!! It’s becoming a real hassle for me… but I will keep trying my best until the end of the semester, and if I happen to fail, well I guess it’s time to look for something else. It isn’t the end of the world you know… there are other things I’m good at and that I really love doing (not saying that I am the best or that these are many).
Oh, and just this past Thursday (March 15th) I went for the first time to a health center. We are signed up with a health center (depending on semester and location) to do some hands-on work. I didn’t really begin, but I was given some more homework to “memorize” by next week.

I went to the dentist this Friday… it wasn’t so bad, but it wasn’t good news either. I was told one of my fillings fell apart and needed repair. Bad thing is, my tooth has a HUGE hole in it… it is like 80% hole – 20% tooth… and it hurts a bit whenever I drink anything cold. Let me tell you, out of all the injuries I’ve had in my life (mental injuries don’t count), tooth ache is the MOST painful, even with all the others combined together and multiplied by 10!!! OK, it isn’t that painful right now, but before I got my first filling (the one that fell apart) the pain was unbearable. I am hoping that they remove it sometime next week…
Aside from that, I am finally almost at full health! Eeeyup!! Hopefully I won’t get sick… again… for the third time. Also, got an amazingly awesome gift from Yure!!! It’s a drawing of my fursona… well, techniaclly 5 drawings… wonder if I can put it up here…

yay I did it!!! lol ^_^
This made my entire week MUCH better. Seriously!!! Was feeling down dues to school, and with this, it just cheered me up!!! (And another set of thanks to Yure for these wonderful drawings!!)

[Legal mumbo-jumbo stuff]
Please don’t pirate them… if you want to reference them, please note the drawings were made by Yure and the character is 1childish1, so I didn’t draw them… they were gifts =P
[/Legal mumbo-jumbo stuff]

Lastly, my IRL best friend and I have been writting emails for some time… I even gave him links to this blog and he still accepts me, and I’ll quote him “No matter what, you will always be my friend”. To be honest with you all, I cried that day. It was the same day that Yure gave me these gifts… so it all was very overwhelmingly amazing. I have never told anyone (directly and IRL) about being an ABDL and still hear the words “you are my friend still” ever… only in my dreams and imagination. Sure, I have told tons of online friends and all, but they don’t know me (nor do I know them) IRL, so it’s a bit different.

Anyways, I’m just glad to have these two amazingly wonderful best friends of mine. I really wish I could do something as a “thank you for being there for me” for both of them (and I will… eventually).
*hugs to all*


ps: IRL = In Real Life

How I became me, part 3- Truth’s OUT!!

This could be the last part of my background info… so just a heads up, READ THE TITLE!! (What about it?) Umm… nothing, it’s just a nice title worthy of reading.

I left out a few details in part 2… and so I am going back to them. Remember when I talked about the awkward moment I had when I was about 5, in part 1? (Never read it…). Well, just to recap, I said I wore some of my cousin’s diapers and wet them for no reason. Well, those feelings came back much later at the age of 12, on the summer of 2004, before the court thingy with the guy.

I was alone most of the time during the weekdays of summer because my mom and dad were working, so I watched movies and played games and such. However, the feelings I mentioned had come back for no reason and well… I couldn’t resist making some makeshift diapers out of some white underwear, tons of cotton balls and toilet paper and some safety pins we had. My mom even brought me some videos from the public library to watch and these videos were for little kids like Winnie the Pooh, Sesame Street, etc. So that made me role-play during the day, turning down requests from my friends to go out and play, and pretend to be a baby again. I used some rags as bibs and even bought some baby food (apple sauce), but I never bought baby diapers then.

Again, those feelings went away with the whole court thing and then came back when I barely turned 13. The guy’s wife has a step-daughter with 2 kids, and one of them wore pull-ups training pants, and so I stayed over for a week with them. At night, while everyone was sleeping, I tried to use one of the pull-ups and pee in them, but they didn’t fit at all (couldn’t get them up to my waist anyways) and barely even wet them. I then threw it away discretely and never said a word about it. I tried it again another night and same results, only this time I hid it somewhere else since the coast wasn’t clear to throw them away properly, and they did find them but they never got suspicious or anything.
Well, I tried to man up to buy myself some diapers that fit, and so I made a plane to buy Goodnites ® protective underwear, but never put it into effect due to some unforeseen change of events.

Much later, when I was back with my mom, the feelings were still there and I was able to get my hands on a package of real baby diapers… Huggies® to be exact. (Why the ®?) better safe than sorry… Well, I enjoyed them so much, that I experienced my first ever jacking off / wanking / pawing off / etc. Basically it was the very first time I have ever masturbated. Felt weird and all (and it hurt like hell!) but I think I was more worried about why I was like this with diapers.

During that time, I researched all over the internet for a “reason” or “cure” for whatever I had. Not really sure what I was trying to look for, but I tried everything in the most discreet way I could. Then, came one day were I finally found my answer! Not quite clear what I searched (I think it was something like “my 13 year old son likes diapers” or something), but I was able to find it!!! What I had wasn’t a disorder and I surely wasn’t the only one, which was what I thought all along. Well, what I found out is that I was…

OK… here it comes… (*drum roll*)… no need for such drama…

I am an AB/DL… meaning Adult Baby / Diaper Lover. It is basically the desire of being a baby again and liking (or loving) to wear diapers. It is NOT pedophile in ANY way at all… I do NOT have any sexual interest in little kids in any way or form, so pedobear isn’t my idol. The actual term is called “Infantilism”, more on the subject, I have provided a link (the one I found) that explains what Infantilism really is: Understanding Infantilism.

Though I will say I’m more on the DL side than the AB side, mainly because I have a Diaper Fetish, but I don’t take the AB side out since I still love role-playing and also love other things like bibs, bottles, footed sleepers, blankets, etc.

If you ask “Why do you like all this?” well, I’m just as clueless as you are. I never really knew why I am an ABDL, but I just accept the fact that I am… it is a part of my, the way my personality is revolves around this, so I will not change it for anything at all.

However, I will say that in the beginning of this time, I was very uptight with religion and all, and I thought this was a sin. I tried quitting on diapers and masturbation, but I always tended to fail in some way. I never told my parents (and I still haven’t) or my friends or anyone, except for a reverend out of desperation (the whole sin thing). I kept going through this binge and purge cycle and it sucked!! I bought diapers, used them and quickly threw them away… and the cycle kept on going.

Years passed, and today I (with the help of an amazing furry friend- Yure) have come to accept myself the way I am. I am happy the way I am, act, feel, etc. And for the furry, I declared myself one on the summer of 2011 and I’ve never been happier with such a statement! I actually had liked furry art since I found out about infantilism, but just never really thought myself of being one until just last year.

And thus this ends the 3-part background story… now you will be able to understand much better the upcoming diaries that I’ll post…
and as always… ALL COMMENTS WELCOME!!!


UPDATE: i kinda forgot to mention this as well… I am also a brony… so there you have it!! I mainly like the animation, voice and classical humor… as well  as other things… so don’t judge it by the intro… watch at least 2 episodes to get the feeling for it ^_^