Archive for June, 2012


[untitled] week…

WARNING… this post will be different than the rest… mainly because I will use strong language to make my point a bit clear… so I’m sorry if I offend anyone, which isn’t my intention…

This week was amazingly awesome at first and then it turned to SHIT!!!

To start off, I decided to do my cubbing out on Thursday… and so I went out from Monday through Wednesday to buy the supplies… you know, stuff for that Thursday night, which was nothing but a baby bottle with a scrub for cleaning it, a pacifier with clip, wipes, powder, and lastly the diapers. It was kinda fun looking at all that stuff…
The main reason was because I felt that my infantilist side was kinda dying or something… more on that here… but once that Thursday night came, I felt SOOOO wonderful doing that!!! It was the best feeling ever!!! I loved it very much, and my feelings came back to me!! So yeah, it was a very fun weekend because I not only was that Thursday nght, but even Friday and all the way to Sunday… it was epicly fun… and especially when I was with my cousin. She knows about it, and I’m glad she thinks it’s cute.

And all starts well ends well right? WRONG!!!!

You see, my mom had gone off to Mexico DF (the capital of this fucked up country) to try and get the VISA for going back to the US for a visit… and everything went alright at first, and then just today Monday was the day they denied it. FUCK!!!! And that’s when I got pissed off with God and came with this conclusion…

Happiness is an illusion, created by mankind to find meaning to life, and destroyed by a God that enjoys to see his creation go through many events of pain and seeing them suffer. He loves to see those who love Him suffer and go through so much pain, and I proved it… I don’t wana go into that rant, so here is the link to the journal in FA…

Sorry, I still feel bummed out for this… so I can’t say much but I’m sorry to everyone… and I’m sorry for not replying Yure… I have no excuse really… I am… ugh…

*cries* T-T

and as a final note, I finally dropped out of med school officially… so I am no longer able to go back ever again in my entire life… seriously, i cant ever go back now…

Well, yes, I finally had my admission test just yesterday (Friday, June 8th)… it was alright, and I felt like I passed it, but I will know for sure on the 9th of next month. So I now wait for an entire month for the results… and here is how it went down… during this entire week, I have been struggling for this test, and well, it paid off…

It all started out well, we got the test started @09:35 and we supposedly had 4 hours to finish the entire test. I thought, “4 hours must be plenty then”… but I wasn’t counting on the curved ball they threw at me… it was 2 tests!!!! And the 2nd one was the curved ball for me…

Test 1 subjects: Math reasoning, Math, Verbal reasoning, Spanish, Technology
Test 2 subjects: Calculus, Physics, Math, Chemistry, English

I didn’t study ANY calculus or physics or chemistry!!!! The only thing that saved me (thank God) was that I had learned when I was in Chemical Engineering… and also, no history (which was good and bad… good cuz I dont like it, bad cuz I studied for nothing)…

I had to finish in about 3 hours 30 minutes cuz the test was officially over @13:00!!! So I finished the first test in 2 hours (my time limit for it), and somewhat rushed the other one with the 1.5 hours I had… I skipped to the subjects I knew the most (like math and technology and English) and went back to the other ones with the time left… I left some blank cuz I honestly didn’t know the answer to them…

And now, if I get a score of 800+ it’s passing… but a score between 800 and 1,000 means I get to take a mandatory class in physics and calculus for 2 hours each per day… I actually would like that so that way I re-learn what I know in them… and I don’t feel like I’m a total idiot later on…

Now, I have been a lil stressed this week about my father calling me… he apparently cares now to call me, but so far, he hasn’t had the guts to do so… he has my number from the beginning of June of 2011, and yet he has not called me… I really don’t care about him doing so or not, I don’t know about him since 6+ years ago. And well, he never cared about me, as you saw in my background stories…
Well, aside from that, I’m also waiting for a call from a job I applied to, which I hope to get it, but I duno.

Lastly, what should I do about med school? I want to just quit already, but my mom says I should stay in it for the finals. She feels that if I don’t pass in systems, that I should stay in med school and finish it, but here is my theory in that…

If I don’t care about med school, I am not interested, I don’t get it, and I pretty much suck at it as of today still, what makes anyone (even myself) think that after failing a test for admission in another career is going to make me a better student in med school, or raise my interest in it?

Seriously, I feel it’s stupid that illogical thought… and so I just want to go to the principal and say “I quit” and leave. ok ok ok, I have to do MORE than that (a whole process) just to leave it forever. I  am not planning on staying in med school no matter the outcome of the test. Seriously, I prefer to save 10 lives without me then killing 8 with me as a doctor, thanks to my ignorance. And well, I also want to sell all my med books cuz I don’t really need them, and I know many students (especially the new ones coming in this semester) need them like right now. I will sell some as if they were new cuz they basically ARE new (I used them, yes, but they’re in VERY good condition that it looks as if I never did). I want to make up some money lost from them…

But I will have to talk to my mom about that, cuz it’s her that’s keeping me from doing so. It’s all her that’s making me stay right now in med school and take the finals this upcoming week. But what’s the point? I know I will fail them, so why go anyways? I have only passed 1 class (biochemistry) and the rest, I will pretty much fail it… histology is a fail, anatomy too, and demography… well, maybe not demography, but who knows… and if I fail anatomy, it means that next semester (I think) I will be taking anatomy only for it… no other class (called last opportunity)… yeah, not fun really.

*sigh*
Now I must think about stuff to do… and work on the guide, some drawings (gift art, diaper chain collab work in FA, etc), Java programming and Unix stuff (terminal commands mainly, but other stuff too).

=P