Here I come?… maybe? *sigh*

So far, I have gathered all the info I need to know about the career and the university (institute) that offers it. But I feel VERY nervous about telling my Mommy about it… duno why, I just am… it’s not like she will freak out or be surprised, but I fear she might get a little pissed off for planning this out? Or for wanting to quit the entire medical branch? I duno…

I have decided to try to tell her before this month ends, so that way I have the entire upcoming month to gather all the documents necessary to actually resign from med school and go for the other school. I don’t think I’ll need much from med school, just my papers back (high school accrediting and birth certificate) and a few other things that say “I was here, and I called it quits” including my grades with credits earned and the certificate of incomplete. That will most likely cost some money (since everything costs money here, even to get my papers back) but not so much I hope.
Another thing I have yet to find out (which I hope to find out today) is the scholarship I have… what will happen or what must I do? I mean, if they say that I have the scholarship for the entire year and that I can cash it  no matter if I quit or not, then I have NO problem at all ^_^!! But I must see if I have to sign something or do something to tell them I’m not in med school anymore and the scholarship is just for that. Will have to see who to contact about that…

Anyways, I have sorta written a few small texts where I state  y reasoning on why leave med school, the pros and cons of it and more… I am doing this so I do NOT chicken out of this (which I am starting to think that will never happen cuz I feel more degraded in med school as of today) and so I am confident on what I will tell my Mommy about… I don’t think I’ll make it public to the rest of the family cuz I don’t want for them to be yelling and such, nor to my friends at school cuz they will tell me a bunch of things to get me to stay, but I will tell them eventually. Not even planning on telling my tutor about this cuz I don’t want for him to be telling me to think it over and such… I HAVE thought it over for a whole year, and it is crystal clear that I WANT to QUIT…

I think I will tell her sometime Friday while we are both alone in the morning. I want to tell her alone so there are no 2nd opinions or anything of that matter… and she has the whole day to think it through as well… *sigh* wish me luck!!!

-_-…

EDIT

I found out about the scholarships already… it seems that I am able to keep it even if I change careers! I don’t know how to communicate with the scholarship’s committee to tell them I want to suspend it (cuz that’s what I must do), after they will write to me wanting a more detailed scope of the suspension. I will give them my reasons for leaving med school for another school, and then they will send me another notice with their final decision. Not very complicated I think, but still, I need to find a way to tell them first. I need a bit more info on the “when to tell them”…

=P

EDIT… AGAIN!!!

FUCK!!! I think I just fucked it up pretty damn badly… my Mom and I got into an argument and I just blurted out a bit of the “I have decided to leave med school” without anything to back myself with… TERRIBLE MISTAKE!!!! She got pissed and said “then I’ll take away everything from you and you will go look for a job selling gum or whatever”… and so on… fuck…. I will now wait for her to calm down a bit and then I will talk to her clearly and slowly with all the info I have gathered… hopefully she will understand me, but if not… oh… I duno what to do now!!! …
in the worst case scenario and if ALL goes bad, I will have to quit med school, get into systems on my own, try to look for a job and pay for it myself somehow… I can manage with the test payment, I have enough from the scholarship, and the books I have I can sell as well… but getting a job and studying is VERY tough around here, especially since jobs here require full time (working about 12hrs a day) and aren’t so flexible for students… I just hope it doesn’t go that far…

I will make an update on what went on and how everything is going to work out… shit… and I’m sorry about the bad language, but I just have no clean words to describe what I’m feeling right now…
So right now it is waiting and working meanwhile she “cools off” and allows me to get my thoughts straight… actually she isn’t that pissed, she’s just a little ticked at the bursting-out-like-that announcement… I didn’t even tell her I want to go to systems, so she has the thought I want to leave school for good, which is the exact OPPOSITE of what I want/intend to do…

T-T

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