This lil victory of mine that is… the final decision was

Go on and sign up for the test… then we’ll see what happens

So this is how it all went down… my mom and I argued a bit, and of course God came into the talk… and we both based our arguments on God. After a while, she asked me to come to church with her, which I didn’t want to go, but I went anyways to get a chance to talk to her a bit more relaxed and easy going…

On our way to church (walking) I was able to give her my info and all that… we talked and I continued explaining why I didn’t wan to be in med school. She listened attentively to my every word and asked a few things here and there. Once in church, I kept talking to her about it and then got on with the church activities. I honestly thought the preaching was boring but well said (Psalms 33)… so it was just that the guy repeated the same things over and over for the older crowd to get the picture.

After church, I kinda had a small chat with a friend who had given up on medicine a long time ago… he wasn’t doing ANYTHING anymore; no studying, no job, nothing!! And I told my mom about him and said to her

That’s another thing that I am also at least thankful to God for, that I actually WANT to study another career. If I were to have said to you that I wanted to quit med school and not have given you another career option or a job, then I would have agreed with you completely if you were to have gotten mad at me and yelled at me.

Once home, we kept on talking a bit… and basically she isn’t worried about my career future, she is much more worried that I have lost my path with God. All she wants for me is to plead help from God, that’s it… it’s all faith in Him… but, I duno…
Look, I have NO inconvenience in talking to God, heck, I many times talk to Him when I walk to school (and btw, that’s prayer in reality, talking to God), but I don’t feel like I can really “deny” myself from many things.

That’s what I feel they (church and many Christians) want me to do… give up everything I think fun and change it to what they feel is correct… example, no more techno music cuz “it isn’t worshiping God in any way”. And they consider pawing “fornication” which I believe it to be wrong (and Yure has a great explanation about it)… I just can’t do that to myself, deny so many things from my life…

I think what I fear the most is that they tell me that being a furry is wrong and so is being an ABDL… I know they feel that being bi-curious is wrong, but what am I supposed to do? I know God can change me forever, but I don’t want to change cuz I love the way I am right now!! OK, maybe a few things here and there I dislike myself for, but seriously, I duno… so thinking right now about it, this is what I will do…

-As much as it pains me to do this, but I think that maybe going to the church my mom goes to wouldn’t be so bad… maybe not daily, but once a week won’t hurt anyone… I’ll start to go maybe once every 2 weeks, and I will tell my mom about that so she knows that I won’t go weekly just yet… the only reason I will do this is to hopefully have a bit more communication with God and to make my mom less worrisome of me… and I will NOT follow all their rules, I won’t prohibit myself from doing certain things (I find NOTHING wrong with Chiptune, pawing, diapers, MLP, etc.)…
-Maybe I will read the Bible once a week… maybe learn a few things from it like a few advices and such… it doesn’t hurt to take at least 15 minutes of my week to read something from the Bible I guess…
-Prayer will stay they way it is… I will talk to God the only way I know how… by talking… by myself… I won’t be kneeling much unless I really feel that I need to…

SO, that’s about it for the plan of my future as of now… I don’t want to upset my mom and God at the same time, so I will play along and see what happens… if I see that it really isn’t benefiting me in ANY way going to church, I will talk to my mom about it and will set my foot down about that. I am doing this for my mom’s sake and to maybe help myself with anything… and I do NOT want to get involved in anything in church, so no “youth group”, no “music group” none of that… I am too antisocial to even care about those groups… why can’t they understand this?

And sure, I’ll pray to God about the career, why not? Maybe some of His help could do a benefit in systems later on… and I will tell Him about my feelings (which he already obviously know) about med school… hopefully He will make my mom a little more happy with my decision…

And just to be clear… I WILL NOT CHANGE THE WAY I AM!!! I love myself too much to see myself change from a free thinker to a brainless church goer… ugh, I think I’d shoot myself if I were to become that… so do not worry, I will still have my open mind and still enjoy they things I enjoy… I won’t talk about God in all my conversations (sorry God) and I won’t try to convince anyone to do anything they don’t want… my opinions and advice will be based on my ideas mainly, rarely on my religious beliefs…

Did I win, lose, or is it a weird treaty where both sides felt they lost and nobody really won?

-_-…

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