This is my final decision about careers… I really couldn’t have come to this without the advice from both my best friends Yure and Brandon, so thank you both very much in advance!!!

Thinking VERY thoroughly , I AM hurting myself quite deeply by staying in medicine… I am stressed out all the time, I can’t be happy with what I am doing, I can’t enjoy free time cuz I “have to study” even though I never study at all, I am failing classes and tests, I am not working at all, I am not interested… etc…

Now, I can’t predict the future, and I can’t re-live my past (even though we are literally living in the past)*… so, I don’t know how med school would be in the next semester, and I don’t know how I would do… will it get better like everyone says? will I start liking it? will I be better in it?…
But seeing how I am doing right now, how my interest for it has almost disappeared completely, and how stressed I am and unable to find happiness in it… it aint worth it… nothing about that is worth it… my biggest fear would be to become the doctor I never wanted to be, one that barely knows what they’re doing, kills their patients with his ignorance, and is just plain mediocre and hated by everyone…

I would do everyone (myself, my family and society in general) a favor by removing myself from this career… I am not capable of competing against those who DO seem interested, those who DO care and are PASSIONATE and CAN handle such pressures… I know I am NOT a failure, I know that I AM CAPABLE of success, CAPABLE of doing something of myself…

So, my final decision is: I shall quit med school after this semester ends in June and go for computer system engineering whenever possible

I have this feeling, yes, this feeling that tells me “Juan, why not keep going? Just try harder, stop playing games, stop fooling around and just work”… but, how could I work when I am NOT interested in the classes I have? How can I go on and pretend that I am following my dream career??

Like Brandon said to me

But I highly encourage you to go after what it is you really want.
What makes you happy all the time?
What do like to do to have fun?
Can you make living doing that?
If so, just go after.
For the last question, the answer is NO, I don’t see myself become a doctor and doing this every day for a living… I just can’t….
As for the feeling, Yure told me
You ignore the feeling and take the rational decision without doubt. I had to do that several times in the past and it wasn’t easy. Everytime I feel that I did the wrong choice, I seek a reason in the feeling. Turns out that it has no reason to be, so it needs to be ignored. I was faced with hard decisions in the past […] I felt that I was doing the wrong thing, but I knew I wasn’t. Between my reason and my heart, I pick the first, close my eyes and press the button. If it was really a rational choice, I won’t regret.
So it is basically final, I just need to put it in action. I have narrowed down the campus to just one cuz the others I have seen right now are private universities, and they cost TONS of money (about $80,000 per semester I think for one) and the government one is MUCH more manageable than the others money wise… and getting a scholarship would help lots…
Why stay till the end of this semester? Well, I am that close to finishing, just one more  month of classes since June is all tests… and so that way, this feeling I am battling with will be more at ease… I would be able to satisfy myself with this last month, enjoy the last moments with a few friends, and if I happen to fail, well, I won’t worry about it.
Next in the agenda would be:
  1. To search about the school (when and how to register, stuff I need, transfer papers, other choices of schools near my home city)…
  2. Telling my mom about me quitting (I need the first one done though, that way she won’t be worried)… then to get everything ready for quitting med school (getting all my documents like birth certificate and such)…
  3. Make a small plan on what to do if I must wait an entire year to get into systems (hopefully get a job so I don’t become a bum and do nothing for an entire year)…
  4. I duno, maybe sell a few books and dealing with all the deception in my family (I will tell them how I feel and that I don’t care about what they wanted for me to become, it is what I want to become that matters)…
The only problem right now that could probably ruin this out would be that I “pussy” out… I have done that in the past with other decisions I have made, and I hope it doesn’t happen with this one… I’m almost sure I won’t but you never know…
Somehow, I feel like something that was very heavy on my chest just lifted away… somehow I feel better… *sighs of relaxation*
^_^
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