Soooo… this week has been a little chaotic for me… tons of sleep deprivation, stress and thinking is taking a toll on me, though not big enough to cause me such a big health issue, I’m just having little stomach cramps and crankiness… and I just had a test today, the first one of anatomy, and I’m pretty damn sure I failed it.
And something embarrassing happened to me today as well… since I am getting a bit sick from my stomach, I have, err… gas, yeah… and well, I kinda had an accident today in the morning… nothing serious, but I think I walked around the school with a brown stain on my bottom all day long. Yeah, that was embarrassing alright, but if people saw it, I am quite grateful they had the decency NOT to point it out or make a fuss out of it… you know, a diaper could have prevented that from ever happening, but oh well…

Anyways, moving on to my big subject, I am almost decided about my career future.

I have been searching about IT Tech careers, but to my dismay, it isn’t a profession (meaning that you pay for a course to get training and then get a certificate saying that you are indeed an IT Tech) so my next best thing would be to get an education in something that goes hand-to-hand with it, which shouldn’t be a problem, right?
As I said in my previous post, resources here are scarce and the education is one of the worst ever. So the problem isn’t what other education related to IT Tech there are cuz they are various kinds (systems engineer, bachelor’s in IT, administrative engineering just to name a few). The problem I’m having right now is what I call a huge limitation: location, money, time.

There aren’t many universities around here where I live (well, there are quite a handful, but many of them are private) and it makes it tougher for me since I can’t travel to any place I want… I must stay confined to this location cuz of money issues and more. To make matters worse, only a few of the universities have the careers that are IT tech oriented, so not a good variety to go by

As I keep saying, resources here aren’t plentiful, and so I must find a public university that has a low charge for registration per semester and that it is hopefully within a walking distance from my home so I don’t spend much on transportation (which they raised $1, making it close to $10 just for a simple bus ride). I would also have to check out a way for obtaining a scholarship (hopefully the same one I have right now or better) or get a job that allows me to work and study each semester, that way I can help pay for my education and save money for other things I want (food, stuff, diapers, etc.)

Not my age, but the time I would be quitting med school is the problem, cuz I don’t know about other places, but here, you must take an admission exam in order to get in. The exams are usually near June-July but the registration for them is usually from February till early April sometimes. So, if I were to quit now or finish this semester in July and quit, I would have about a year without doing a thing (unless they have admission during the winter period)!!! So in that time, I would lose a year in med school and I would either work for a year (wouldn’t be such a bad idea) or stay for another semester in med school and go for the test next year.

*sigh* I just don’t know what to do here. And I am more determined on quitting, but there is something, I don’t know what it is, but I can feel somthing nagging me about staying in med school. My heart and mind want to leave, but deep down somewhere, I have to stay? Could it be the e-mail I sent my Mom long ago when I wanted to quit for the first time?…
Thing is, I told her that I would stay no matter what and that if I were to have this little “I wana quit” episode, to ignore it. So, with that said, what can I tell her once I made my choice if I really do quit??

“Mom, I made a mistake, and this time I had more than enough time to think it through. I come to realize that even though I think medicine is fascinating… no, it is AMAZING, I also believe it to be too complex, much more that my abilities of learning can handle. I know that ever since I was little I wanted to become a doctor, but for some reason unknown to me, that idea changed drastically after my senior year of high school… now, I feel that medicine (though as amazing as I said it is) is boring, painful, and quite frankly, uninteresting to me. So, this is my decision mom, to leave medical school and pursue another career that is far more interesting to me: [insert career name here]. Here, I have narrowed it down for you to read about it and I have searched all the places where they teach…” etc, etc, etc…

That could be my speech (give or take), but I don’t know. I feel that if I quit I would be losing so much and wasting away so much more… but I have to decide on this: follow my heart and mind or follow my concerns and issues. Ugh… this is putting me in a weird situation… I need a diaper and cuddle…

And sorry for making this too long, thus the title…