I am again struggling with school decisions… I don’t know whether I should stay or quit med school, again… I say again not because I had quit med school before (which I haven’t) but because I yet again doubt my acceptance being there…

You see, here is the entire story of my ambition for becoming a doctor…
Ever since I had reason (like at 4 years) I have always said that “I wana become a doctor”, and that has kept on going for the past 14 years… I was still determined to become a doctor up until the end of high school, when I came back to Mexico, that’s when it started to die down a bit… I didn’t get in the first time (didn’t pass the admission test), and so I took another career to see if I could transfer instead… I chose chemical engineering, and during my year there, my ambition for med school almost died completely…

Still determined a bit, or well, not really… I only took the test cuz I had paid for these lessons to pass the test (yeah, there are classes for just passing that test since it was for many careers other than medicine), and so when the time came to take the test, I did… and after a month, I got the “good” news about having passed the test… my Mom was VERY happy, but I on the other hand was unemotional, my thoughts were “do I deserve to go to med school? do I really want to go?”… but I put those thoughts asides, ignored my heart and mind, and just went with the flow… and so, I got ready to go to med school, even though I didn’t show a single bit of emotion (neither happy nor sad)…

Once inside, I thought to give it a try and see how everything was… to my surprise, everything was hard… nothing made sense and people were going faster than I could, so I was barely making it out of there alive… at first I thought “maybe it’s just this way at first, and it will get better later on”, but I never saw that ‘later on’ part…

All this time, I haven’t been happy to go to school… ever! All this time, I have been wanting to skip it, forget it, leave it… I haven’t been happy in school, not like in high school were some classes did make me happy to go to… especially in my junior year (11th grade), boy do I miss them days… best days of my entire high school years… senior year wasn’t that far behind either, it was pretty cool, and I also loved it very much… heck, even chemical engineering was actually quite nice and I enjoyed a couple of classes in particular (algebra and programming) and I was actually happy to go to them… calculus, I also enjoyed, but what I never liked was that the teacher never taught well, he didn’t even know how to do certain equations correctly; one time we asked how to do a derivative problem he left for homework, and when he tried it he couldn’t do it and said “do it for homework” (umm, it WAS homework)…

So, if I’m not happy with it, why not leave it and choose something where I could be happier? A career where I am better at?
I would if I could… but here are a few problems I must face to decide this…

  1. Am I quitting to easily/early?– I don’t study because I don’t understand it… I don’t get it because I don’t like it… I don’t like it because I’m uninterested… and it’s uninteresting because it’s boring!!! but am I giving it my best?? I feel like I’m not even trying hard at all… I feel like I’m just quitting as the easy way out without a proper fight… but what fight can I give it?? I’m lazy because I’m not interested in medicine anymore… maybe a few aspects here and there (some clinical stuff, facts, procedures) but not entirely… and so, what would quitting do??
  2. Money is the root of all evil… and problems too…– I feel that I just wasted lots of my Mom’s money… maybe there aren’t many kids that care much about what their parents spend on them, but I care WAAAY more than I should… every expense I have cost my Mom (hospitals, utensils, toys, clothing, etc.) I regret and want to make up… I have seen how my Mom broke (and keeps breaking) her back just for us, and I feel it aint fair for me to do that to her… and quitting would only make it worse cuz she has spent already more than $11,000 on my school alone…
  3. Mexico is the WORST!!!– I hate this country with such hatred, that sometimes I wish (or at least wouldn’t mind) for some power to bomb the sh*t out of it… seriously, Mexico is by far the worst country I have been to (even though I;ve only beenhere and the US, so this can’t be true 100% globally)… their education is one of the worst, we have tons of illiteracy problems and so much corruption!!! ugh, i hate it… and well, the bad part is that there aren’t many career choices for me out here… all of them require TONS of money and they also require for one to cheat and bribe and such… and besides, if I do what I wana do (fix computers or something else) there are little to no jobs here, so what’s the point??
  4. Self-esteem is worthless, but necessary?– I duno what I’m good at… I don’t really have much for a hobby (and pawing wouldn’t count I guess), so I wouldn’t know what to go for… I like math, computers, certain aspects of medicine and science, technology in general, logical thinking, individuality, freedom… but what could I be good at?? Math teacher? well, wouldn;t mind it much, but I’m not so great at teaching, and grading papers sucks!!… Computer engineer? eh, pass… i don;t wana be stuck in a cubicle all day long… nurse? not really, i mean, they must have MORE stress coming from the doctors AND the patients at the same time…
    IT Technician? well, i wouldn’t mind going from home to home or being in a small/big business and fix the computer around, managing them and making sure they run properly… actually, now that I’m writing about it, I’m actually liking the idea!!! Why not??? It involves some of my favorite stuff (math, computers, fixing stuff, ingenuity, programming, logical thinking, freedom, individuality) and I wouldn’t get stuck in a cubicle or a phone (hopefully)… only problem is, I have NO CLUE if they have such a career here in my city, let alone my state… would have to research about it… but if I quit, I might consider this an option… and not only that, but I think I can have the opportunity to work in a hospital to fix their computers and machines!!! OMG!!!!

So… after writing all this out, I think that if I quit, I will go for IT Tech. cuz it would best fit me!!! If only I’d knew a school or someone who is getting that career done… hmm… will research about it, but in the meantime, I should make more options on what i could go for as a career…
wow, I feel much better now!!! Why didn’t I think of this before??? But I also couldn’t have done this without the help of Yure (tons of advice and moral support) and Brandon (moral support and understanding)… *sigh of relief*… now, I must keep thinking about the final decision, but in order for that to come, I must research about this career and such… won’t be much a problem I guess, but will take time… if anything comes up, I will keep you updated…

 

And on a side note cuz I just want to…:
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Season 2 is coming to an end!!! And I can’t wait for the season finale this April 21st!!!! It’s gonna be SO AWESOME!!! I never knew Twilight had a brother… seriously, they should consider making an episode where there is an entire family reunion of all the families of the main 6 (Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Flutterhsy, Rarity, Twilight Sparkle) so that way we could meet all of their family members (I have no clue if Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Applejack, have parents or brothers… who are Scootaloo’s parents anyways?)… sorry, just wanted to share that to anyone who watches the show…

*crinklehugs*
=P

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